Women, Memes and Stereotypes (XX)
Women, Singledom, Life
An Ode to the Cats (or dogs) in our Lives
“All the Single Ladies”
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don’t be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it”
Songwriters: Christopher Stewart / Terius Nash / Beyonce Knowles / Thaddis Harrell
Women, Single Life
Assuming that ‘all the single ladies’ don’t want to be single and won’t wait around forever. Is this even true anymore? Do we get to a point as women that we are happy in our own company and are no longer looking for a constant, live in partner?
The memes about having a book and a cat and not needing a partner or that a partner becomes an extra child to look after or the one where we didn’t realise that a ring meant servitude (domestic chores).
It’s been part of our folklore, reinforced by the patriarchy, that women need men, to be complete a woman needs a man of her own. As we mature we realise how untrue this is.
Back in the day, when women couldn’t vote, couldn’t get a bank loan or even a credit card we did need a man or a number of men to support us to change this. Women who grew older and didn’t have a husband, a spinster as it were, became a burden on their families to provide for them. They used these ‘spinsters’ as unpaid nannies and companions.
Domestic duties was the lot of an adult woman. We kept her at home with the children because once married with children she was unable/not allowed to work. We see movies where ‘mum’ stays at home to provide food, clean clothing and a clean house. As recently as the 1950’s there were guides for women to be the perfect wife.
To Beyonce singing about if you wanted her then he should have put a ring on it, the inference that she required a ring, to the memes about women not needing a man when a cat was better company, to the women declared ‘witches’ and burned alive, to the ‘me too’ movement, to the suffragettes and to the freedom of the contraceptive pill when women gained some freedom of choice. Women asserting independence, demanding consideration, buying their own home, financial freedom.
We then get to women post divorce, widowhood, independent by choice women who have money of their own, employment gained through their own efforts and beyond child-bearing years, what need do they have of a man? And yes, these days, women don’t need a man as part of our lives to have a child.
The memes increase, the assumptions made that if we don’t have a man or partner that we will become lonely old women surrounded by cats. We will have a comfy chair, a glass of wine and a book that we can read and enjoy without interruption. We can go places, travel, independently, and the only thing we fear is the interference or violence of man. Without man we can lead happy, fulfilled lives.
Clients, learn to be independent post-divorce, death of a partner etc. They go through the grieving process and realise that the other side is stronger, is fun and without the pressures of domestication. Want to go out with friends and leave the dishes in the sink without guilt? Done. Want to sit back in your armchair with your cat (or dog to be fair), a book and a glass of wine – all day without guilt? Done. Want to go to work, get takeaway or cook what you want to eat without having to consider anyone else? Done.
Of course, some find new life companions and that is wonderful for them. I wish them all the joy in the world. As mature women, we have all that we need or want. Sisters can do it all for themselves and damn the patriarchy.
